If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
