it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
