I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
