there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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