A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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