If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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