I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
