My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
