those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drake has all the answers
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
