At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this will be a night to untag.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
