No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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