If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What a dumb baby whore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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