i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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