i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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