i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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