Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
