i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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