Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
