I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
