Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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