I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dear god my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize