i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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