with your own penis?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
