I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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