Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
