Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
