I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
