Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
