"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
