I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
