Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
