I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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