Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.