I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.