Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...