Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
