We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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