Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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