I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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