i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
