Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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