Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
