I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
