is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
