shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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