i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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