It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize