I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
