Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
