can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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