At least make sure they are 18
Why
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
