Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
