I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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