My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
