My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
