Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
