are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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