What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
