That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
