Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
