you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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