Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
