Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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