He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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