I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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